Category: Trauma Therapy

Written by Dr. Scott Giacomucci, DSW, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAAETS, TEP

The Connection Between Trauma and Shame: How to Break Free from Trauma-Related Shame

Trauma and shame often go hand in hand. While trauma is something that happens to us, shame has a way of convincing us that we are the problem. For many trauma survivors, the emotional wounds don’t end when the traumatic event is over. Long after the experience has passed, shame can continue shaping how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our future.

The good news is that shame is not a permanent part of who you are. It can be understood, challenged, and healed.

Why Trauma Often Leads to Shame

Trauma is, by definition, an experience that overwhelms our ability to cope. When something terrifying, abusive, or deeply painful happens, especially during childhood, our brains naturally try to make sense of it.

Children, in particular, often lack the developmental ability to understand the complex circumstances surrounding trauma. Instead, they may arrive at painful conclusions like:

• “It must have been my fault.”
• “I deserved this.”
• “There’s something wrong with me.”
• “I’m broken.”
• “I’m unlovable.”

These beliefs are not facts. They are survival adaptations created by a mind trying to explain the unexplainable. Unfortunately, abusive individuals and dysfunctional family systems often reinforce these distorted beliefs, leaving survivors carrying emotional burdens that never belonged to them.

When the Shame of the Perpetrator Becomes Your Own

One of the most painful aspects of trauma is that survivors often absorb the shame of the person who caused the harm.

Psychologists sometimes describe this process as identification with the aggressor, a phenomenon in which the victim unconsciously internalizes the emotions, beliefs, and shame of the perpetrator. Instead of recognizing that the abuse reflected the actions of another person, survivors begin believing the abuse says something about who they are. This is one reason trauma-related shame can feel so deeply rooted.

Common Signs of Trauma-Related Shame

Trauma-related shame doesn’t always announce itself directly. Instead, it often shows up through patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

Some common signs include:

A Harsh Inner Critic

Many trauma survivors speak to themselves in ways they would never speak to another person. Their internal dialogue becomes filled with criticism, perfectionistic demands, and relentless self-judgment.

Feeling Unworthy

Shame often creates a persistent belief that you’re undeserving of:

• Love
• Success
• Happiness
• Financial security
• Healthy relationships
• Freedom

Even when opportunities arise, shame may convince you that you don’t deserve them.

Avoiding Relationships or Opportunities

Shame often fuels fears like:

• “If people really knew me, they’d reject me.”
• “I’m too damaged.”
• “I’ll just fail anyway.”

These beliefs can lead people to avoid dating, friendships, promotions, new careers, or meaningful life experiences, not because they lack ability, but because they fear exposure or rejection.

People-Pleasing and Perfectionism

Sometimes shame doesn’t lead us to withdraw, it pushes us to overcompensate. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent patterns are often attempts to earn worthiness by constantly meeting other people’s expectations. When we believe we’re fundamentally flawed, perfection can become an impossible strategy for trying to feel enough.

Losing Your Sense of Self

Trauma can disconnect us from who we truly are.

Instead of living from our authentic identity, we begin defining ourselves by the messages we received during the trauma. Psychology refers to these internalized messages as introjects, beliefs that originate outside of us but become accepted as if they are our own. Healing requires recognizing these messages and asking an important question:

“Whose voice is this?”

Healing Means Changing the Narrative

Recovery isn’t about pretending trauma never happened.

It’s about recognizing that trauma is something you experienced, not the definition of who you are. When shame becomes the center of our identity, every decision gets filtered through the belief that we’re defective.

Healing involves developing a new story:

• A story of resilience.
• A story of recovery.
• A story of growth.

The trauma remains part of that story, but it no longer defines the entire narrative.

Self-Compassion Is Essential

One of the most important skills in healing shame is learning self-compassion. Many survivors have spent years speaking to themselves with criticism, contempt, or unrealistic expectations.

Instead, try asking yourself:

How would I speak to someone I deeply love who had gone through what I’ve experienced?

You might even imagine how gently you’d care for a beloved pet. That same kindness is something you deserve as well. Self-compassion isn’t making excuses. It’s creating the emotional safety necessary for healing.

Shame Cannot Heal in Isolation

Shame thrives in silence. It grows stronger when we hide our experiences and believe we’re alone. Healing happens in safe relationships where we can be seen without judgment. Supportive therapy, trusted friendships, recovery groups, and compassionate communities provide experiences that directly challenge shame’s core message:

“If people knew the real me, they would reject me.”

When acceptance replaces secrecy, shame begins to lose its power.

Trauma Lives in the Body

Trauma isn’t stored only in our thoughts, it affects our nervous system and our bodies. Because of this, body-based approaches can be incredibly valuable in trauma recovery. Helpful interventions may include:

• EMDR
• Somatic therapies
• Somatic Experiencing
• Psychodrama
• Inner child work
• Breathwork
• Grounding practices
• Mindfulness
• Yoga
• Therapeutic movement and exercise

These approaches help people reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems, and process experiences that words alone often cannot reach.

Understanding the Difference Between Shame and Guilt

One of the most important shifts in recovery is learning the difference between shame and guilt.

Shame says:

“Something is wrong with me.”

Guilt says:

“I did something wrong,” or “Something wrong happened to me.”

That difference may seem subtle, but psychologically it is enormous. When we believe we are the problem, change feels impossible. When we recognize that behaviors can change, or that harmful experiences happened to us rather than defining us, hope becomes possible.

Research consistently shows that chronic shame is associated with increased risk for anxiety, depression, PTSD, substance use disorders, relationship difficulties, and many other mental health concerns. Healthy guilt, however, often supports accountability, growth, repair, and resilience.

The Shame Was Never Yours to Carry

Perhaps the most important truth to remember is this:

Healing from trauma often means letting go of shame that never belonged to you in the first place. The beliefs you formed during trauma may have helped you survive.

But they don’t have to determine the rest of your life. With support, self-compassion, and trauma-informed treatment, it is possible to release shame, reconnect with your authentic self, and move toward a life defined by healing rather than by what happened to you.

At the Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy, we witness this transformation every day. Recovery is possible, and no one has to walk that path alone.

About the Author:

Dr. Scott Giacomucci, DSW, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAAETS, TEP (he, him, his) is the Director, Founder, & Owner of the Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy. He provides clinical services at the center as well as supervision, consultation, training, and organizational leadership.

Dr. Scott just released his most recent book, Trauma-Focused Psychodrama: Experiential Therapy for Complex PTSD

Written by: Dr. Scott Giacomucci, DSW, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAAETS, TEP

Many people are familiar with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but fewer have heard of Complex PTSD (CPTSD). While PTSD often develops following a single traumatic event, Complex PTSD typically results from repeated, prolonged, or interpersonal trauma. Experiences such as childhood abuse or neglect, domestic violence, chronic bullying, emotional abuse, identity-based trauma, community violence, or other long-term adverse experiences can contribute to the development of CPTSD.

If you struggle with persistent anxiety, depression, shame, emotional overwhelm or numbness, relationship difficulties, low self-worth, or feeling disconnected from yourself and others, you might be experiencing Complex PTSD. Fortunately, effective treatment is available.

What Is Complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD includes the same symptoms associated with PTSD, such as intrusive memories, nightmares, hypervigilance, avoidance, dissociation, and emotional distress related to past experiences. However, CPTSD also affects how people view themselves, manage emotions, and relate to others.

Common symptoms of Complex PTSD include:

Many individuals with CPTSD have spent years adapting to difficult environments. The coping strategies that once helped them survive may now interfere with their ability to fully engage in life, relationships, work, and personal growth.

Why Complex PTSD Requires Specialized Treatment

Complex PTSD is not simply a collection of symptoms. It reflects the impact that repeated trauma can have on a person’s nervous system, identity, relationships, and worldview. Healing requires more than simply reducing the negative effects of the trauma – it must also include a focus on building a life in trauma recovery and cultivating growth after trauma. Effective treatment addresses both the traumatic experiences themselves and the ways those experiences continue to shape present-day thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationships.

Treatment needs to be tailored to each person’s unique experiences, strengths, goals, and identity. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Effective Experiential Treatments for Complex PTSD

EMDR Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the most researched trauma therapies available. EMDR helps individuals process traumatic memories that may continue to contribute to emotional distress, negative beliefs, and survival-based reactions. Rather than repeatedly talking about traumatic experiences, EMDR helps the brain reprocess and integrate difficult memories so they become less emotionally overwhelming and disruptive.

The EMDR process includes developing internal resources to cope with difficult emotions, processing past traumatic memories, desensitizing present-day triggers, and creating a vision for the future about how to respond differently in previously triggering situations.

When engaging in EMDR therapy, it is important to work with a professional who truly understands complex trauma and CPTSD. The EMDR process will need to be modified slightly to reduce risks of overwhelm and harm while increasing effectiveness in addressing CPTSD.

Somatic Therapy

Complex trauma affects the nervous system and the body. Learning to recognize physical sensations, regulate activation, and reconnect with the present moment can be an important part of recovery.

Somatic and mindfulness-based interventions help individuals develop greater awareness, emotional regulation, and a sense of safety within themselves. Somatic therapy helps one to befriend and reclaim their body while accessing the deep wisdom within it.

Psychodrama

Trauma is often stored not only in our thoughts but also in our emotions, bodies, and relationships. Psychodrama and experiential therapies provide opportunities to work with these deeper levels of experience. Approaches such as psychodrama, role-playing, guided imagery, empty-chair work, and other action methods can help individuals:

• Access emotions that are difficult to express verbally
• Explore unfinished experiences
• Practice new roles and behaviors
• Strengthen internal resources
• Create corrective emotional experiences
• Experience closure around past losses

For many individuals with CPTSD, experiential approaches can facilitate healing that goes beyond intellectual understanding.

Parts Work and Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Many individuals with Complex PTSD experience conflicting thoughts, feelings, and reactions within themselves. One part of self may desperately want connection, while another part fears being hurt and wants to avoid connection. One part may remind us of our worth, while another part feels overwhelmed, ashamed, or hopeless. Parts work approaches, including Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, help individuals understand and compassionately relate to these different aspects of self.

Rather than viewing these internal conflicts as signs of dysfunction, parts work recognizes that many parts developed to help a person survive difficult experiences. Through therapy, individuals learn to connect with wounded parts carrying pain from the past while also understanding the protective parts that have worked hard to prevent further harm. This process can foster self-compassion, emotional healing, and a greater sense of internal harmony. Parts work and IFS can help trauma survivors move beyond survival mode and toward a more integrated and authentic sense of self.

Group Therapy and Support Groups

One of the most painful consequences of complex trauma is disconnection, betrayal, and harm from others. Many trauma survivors learn that relationships are unsafe, unpredictable, or disappointing.

Trauma-informed group therapy can provide opportunities to build trust, receive support, practice vulnerability, and experience healthy connection. Through relationships with group members and therapists, individuals often discover new ways of relating to themselves and others.

Nobody heals from trauma alone. Community and relationships are essential in the trauma recovery process. Therapy groups and support groups offer trauma survivors a sense of solidarity and comradery while reducing shame and stigma.

Healing Must Go Beyond Talking about the Trauma

While addressing the trauma and traumatic stress symptoms are important, treatment for Complex PTSD is about much more than simply feeling less anxious or less depressed.

Healing often involves:

• Developing a stronger sense of self
• Building healthier relationships and community
• Establishing boundaries
• Increasing emotional flexibility
• Reconnecting with personal strengths
• Cultivating meaning and purpose
• Moving from survival to growth

Recovery does not mean forgetting what happened. It means reducing the power that past experiences have over your present life.

There Is Hope for Recovery

Many individuals living with Complex PTSD believe they are permanently damaged or broken. In reality, many of the struggles associated with CPTSD reflect understandable adaptations to overwhelming experiences.

With appropriate support, people do heal from complex trauma, develop new ways of relating to themselves and others, and create meaningful lives beyond survival.

If you are struggling with the effects of Complex PTSD, working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you better understand your experiences and identify treatment approaches that support your goals for healing and growth.

About the Author:

Written by: Dr. Scott Giacomucci, DSW, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAAETS, TEP

Have you ever wondered why some people become anxious, shut down emotionally, lash out in anger, or feel constantly on edge after difficult experiences? These reactions are often referred to as trauma responses – our mind and body’s natural attempts to survive overwhelming situations.

While trauma responses can be confusing or frustrating, they are not signs of weakness or personal failure. In fact, many trauma responses began as adaptive survival strategies that help us cope with experiences that felt dangerous, overwhelming, or inescapable.

Understanding our trauma responses can reduce shame or self-blame, increase self-awareness, and provide a roadmap for healing.

What Is a Trauma Response?

A trauma response is the way the brain, body, emotions, and behaviors react during or after a traumatic experience. These responses are driven by our nervous system’s primary goal: survival. Trauma responses are our innate defenses and protection against adversity. Trauma responses are activated in response to both external danger (violence, loud noises, predators, etc.) and internal threats (thoughts, feelings, sensations, flashbacks, etc.).

When the brain perceives danger, it automatically activates protective responses long before we have time to consciously think about what is happening. These reactions can be lifesaving during an actual emergency. However, after trauma, the nervous system may continue responding as though danger is still present – even when the threat has long passed. For many people, trauma responses become patterns that continue long after the traumatic experience has ended and they tend to disrupt our ability to be the best that we can be in our lives and relationships.

Why Do Trauma Responses Develop?

Our brains are designed to keep us alive, not necessarily to keep us comfortable or happy.

During overwhelming experiences, the brain and nervous system automatically responds. Sometimes fighting back is the safest option. Other times escaping, freezing, submitting, or emotionally disconnecting may increase the chances of survival. The nervous system remembers these strategies. If future situations resemble past danger, even in subtle ways, the brain may automatically activate the same survival responses.

Common Trauma Responses

Although everyone’s experience is unique, trauma responses often fall into several broad patterns. While there are various other trauma responses that we might develop, these are four of the most commonly discussed trauma responses. These responses are elicited at in the moment of real or perceived danger, but often continue to be triggered in response to the internalized trauma, long after the traumatic event has ended.

Flight

The flight response focuses on escaping danger and removing ourselves from the situation.

Signs of a flight response may include:

• Restlessness and anxiety
• Difficulty relaxing, concentrating, or sleeping
• Increased adrenaline or energy in the legs
• Intense feelings of avoidance

If we can’t diffuse a threat through social interaction, our first attempt at restoring a sense of safety for ourselves will naturally be a flight response.

Fight

The fight response prepares the body to confront incoming danger.

Someone in a fight response may:

• Physically defend themselves or attack the incoming danger
• Become angry or irritable
• Be verbally argumentative or defensive
• Attempt to control situations
• Experience muscle tension or increased energy

While these behaviors may seem aggressive, they often reflect a nervous system attempting to create safety.

Freeze

The freeze response occurs when fighting or escaping does not seem possible.

People experiencing freeze may notice:

• Feeling emotionally numb
• Difficulty making decisions
• Dissociation
• Feeling “stuck” or shut down

Freeze is often misunderstood as laziness or lack of motivation when it is actually a protective nervous system response. Many trauma survivors blame themselves for not fighting back or fleeing during the moment of trauma, but what often has occurred is the nervous system has shut down to protect itself. Understanding this can help work through feelings of self-blame or shame.

Fawn

The fawn response involves increasing safety through pleasing, appeasing, or accommodating others. This was a later addition to the “flight, fight, and freeze list” and is not exactly wired into the nervous system in the same way as the others.

Examples related to a fawn response may include:

• Enmeshment and codependency
• Difficulty saying no
• People-pleasing
• Avoiding conflict
• Ignoring personal needs
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
• Befriending or idolizing someone who was hurtful

Fawning often develops in environments where maintaining relationships is essential for survival. One way to think about it is in the context of a boxing match – the safest place in a boxing ring is hugging your opponent so they can’t hit you as easily.

Trauma Responses Affect More Than Behavior

Trauma responses influence nearly every aspect of a person’s functioning including the body, emotions, the mind, and relationships.

Physical Trauma Responses

Trauma and traumatic stress may contribute to:

• Increased heart rate or heart problems
• Muscle tension
• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Digestive problems
• Breathing issues
• Cancer
• Chronic pain
• Sleep difficulties
• Somatic flashbacks

The body often continues carrying the effects of trauma long after the events have ended. If our nervous system is in a constant state of stress and activation due to ongoing or past trauma, the body doesn’t have the time it needs to rest and repair, which can cause negative effects on different systems in the body.

Emotional Trauma Responses

Common emotional reactions include:

• Anxiety or fear
• Shame or worthlessness
• Guilt or self-blame
• Sadness or grief
• Anger or Irritability
• Emotional numbness

Emotions may feel overwhelming or difficult to access altogether in the moment of trauma or in the aftermath of trauma. Traumatic stress leaves us with various complex and intense emotions resulting from the experience of harm.

Cognitive Trauma Responses

Trauma can affect thinking by contributing to:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Memory problems
• Racing thoughts
• Intrusive memories or images
• Negative self-beliefs
• Distorted beliefs about others or about the world

The brain becomes increasingly focused on detecting potential threats in the environment or in relationships, which impacts our capacity for other cognitive processes. The acute stress associated with trauma can also disrupt or fragment the brain’s ability to create and store memories.

Relational Trauma Responses

Trauma frequently impacts relationships through:

• Difficulty trusting others
• Fear of abandonment
• Avoidance of intimacy
• Conflict in relationships
• Social withdrawal
• Challenges setting healthy boundaries
• Repetition of harmful relationships

Because many traumatic experiences occur within relationships, healing often involves rebuilding a sense of relational safety.

Are Trauma Responses Always Caused by Trauma?

Not every emotional reaction or coping strategy is a trauma response. Stress, personality, temperament, mental health conditions, and life experiences all influence how people respond to challenges. However, when reactions seem disproportionate, automatic, repetitive, or difficult to control, particularly following overwhelming experiences, they may reflect adaptations that developed in response to trauma. A comprehensive assessment by a trauma-informed mental health professional can help determine what factors are contributing to someone’s symptoms.

Can Trauma Responses Change?

Yes! One of the most encouraging findings from trauma research is that the brain and nervous system remain capable of change throughout life. Healing does not mean forgetting what happened. Instead, it often involves helping the nervous system learn that the danger has passed and developing new ways of responding to stress in the present and in the future.

Treatment or support to help address trauma responses may include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
• Parts work and Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Psychodrama and experiential therapies
• Somatic and body-based approaches
• Expressive arts therapies
• Mindfulness practices and yoga
• Group therapy
• Family or couples therapy
• Support groups

As healing occurs, many trauma responses become less intense, less frequent, and easier to recognize before they take over.

A Trauma-Informed Perspective

Trauma-informed care encourages us to view symptoms through a different lens.

Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with this person?” we begin asking: “What happened to this person?” and perhaps even more importantly, “How did these responses help them survive?”

Many behaviors that appear problematic today were once useful adaptations to overwhelming circumstances. Recognizing this can replace shame with curiosity and self-compassion.

A trauma response is the mind and body’s natural reaction to overwhelming experiences. Whether someone fights, flees, freezes, fawns, or experiences another survival strategy, these responses are rooted in the nervous system’s attempt to promote safety.

Understanding trauma responses can help people make sense of their experiences, reduce self-blame, and recognize that healing is possible. With the right support, the same nervous system that learned to survive can also learn to feel safe, connected, and resilient once again.

About the Author: