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Parenting Children with ADHD: Emotional and Physical Burnout

By Meryl Lammers, LSW, MT-BC
Parenting Children with ADHD: Emotional and Physical Burnout

Parenting is a complicated job, full of joy, unimaginable love, and a level of stress many are not expecting. When you are parenting children with ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), or other forms of neurodivergence, there are forms of burnout that parents of neurotypical children may not experience to the same degree. It’s a form of being tired you’ve never known before.

WHY?

Children with ADHD need more co-regulation, more reminders, more structure, and more patience. They need to be parented perhaps differently than you/we were. There must be a focus on building relationships, providing structure and support, managing impulsivity, and meeting behavioral and educational challenges. This includes creating a positive and supportive environment, using effective communication and discipline strategies, and understanding the unique challenges ADHD presents. Parenting this way may feel foreign, which requires more work and learning for you.

It’s the constant mental load of parenting a child whose brain works differently.

You’ve put your own needs to the side to care for your child. You’re always juggling meltdowns and tantrums over getting dressed, eating breakfast, or transitioning from one task to the next. You’re managing both you and your child’s emotional regulation. You’re going to therapy and doctors’ appointments, activities, advocating with insurance companies, schools, and health care providers. You’re navigating a healthcare system that feels impossible and you’re constantly wondering why it feels so hard to get the support you and your child need. You’re attending IEP meetings, fielding phone calls, emails, letters home.

You’re working a job in addition to parenting. You’re not sleeping well because your child isn’t sleeping well. Maybe you’re parenting more than one child, all of whom have different needs. You’re always in decision making mode and it’s hard to make mental and physical space for things you love or need.

It’s the constant worry, “Am I doing enough? Am I enough?”

Why does this feel so hard?

Because your cup isn’t full. Maybe you don’t have enough familial or community support. Maybe you don’t ever get time by yourself because you’re the default or only parent. Maybe you weren’t taught how to support their nervous system through your own. Maybe you weren’t taught how to support your own nervous system.

And our society is not currently set up to support parents, especially parents of children with differences. Maybe you’re faced with judgement from others or society on how you’re parenting. Maybe you’re also neurodivergent and the stress and sensory input of parenting overwhelms your system. Maybe you weren’t parented with patience or love and are trying to break generational patterns of unresponsive parenting. Maybe you have past trauma resurfacing and you’re not sure how to cope. You’re running on empty.

The increased stress and burnout of parenting can lead to:

  • Increased cortisol levels (stress hormone) leading to negative health outcomes.
  • A decrease in distress tolerance or ability to cope with daily living.
  • Increase in yelling and fighting with your child or partner.
  • Insomnia or poor sleep hygiene.
  • Increased anxiety, depression, feelings of dread.
  • Increase in irritability.
  • Feelings of guilt and shame.

This increase in stress has the potential to trigger past unresolved trauma. Here are some Red Flags to look out for:

  • Increased feelings of depression/anxiety.
  • Nightmares.
  • Flashbacks of traumatic memories.
  • Feeling disconnected from your body or from others.
  • Intrusive thoughts.
  • Persistent negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself.
  • Reduced interest in enjoyable activities.
  • Feeling unsafe in everyday situations.
  • Feeling helpless or hopeless

If you are parenting children with ADHD or neurodivergence, and are experiencing these symptoms, it may be time to reach out for help.

Benefits of working with an experiential trauma therapist include:

  • Increased ability to cope with life’s stressors.
  • Reduced PTSD symptoms.
  • Learning how to regulate your emotions so you can help your child regulate theirs.
  • Improved relationships with your child/partner/family.
  • Increase self-esteem and self-awareness.
  • Increased feelings of empowerment.
  • Ability to regain a sense of control over your life.

Remember: You are NOT failing. You are carrying a load that no one else sees. We cannot recover alone and you’re already doing so much for others. You deserve support, too! Please call the Phoenix Center to schedule an appointment with one of our skilled experiential trauma therapists.

Meryl Lammers is an Experiential Trauma Therapist and Music Therapist at The Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy. Meryl also provides Trauma Recovery Coaching.

Long Term Sobriety and Early Childhood Trauma

By Meryl Lammers, LSW, MT-BC
Long Term Sobriety and Early Childhood Trauma

Maintaining long term sobriety and leading a happy life is often not possible without addressing the underlying issues that fueled the addiction in the first place. A significant overlap exists between trauma and substance abuse. Studies indicate that a substantial percentage of individuals who have experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), or early childhood trauma, also struggle with substance use disorders (SUDs), and vice versa. Individuals with a higher ACE score are 7-10 times more likely to develop substance use disorders than people without ACEs or with lower ACE scores. Certain ACEs, like emotional neglect, sexual abuse, and physical abuse are particularly strong predictors of substance use disorders.

Early Stages of Sobriety

People in early sobriety may have not yet have established a sense of safety and stability required to proceed with trauma therapy and tend to benefit from focusing on coping skills for relapse prevention and build a strong supportive community, whether through drug and alcohol rehabilitation, support groups, 12 Step meetings, Dharma Recovery, friends, family, religious or community organizations. In the early stages of sobriety, both neurobiological and physical changes occur as the body and brain adjust to the absence of substances. Additionally, the brain also begins to recover its structural and functional integrity, which is a crucial step before engaging in trauma processing.

Going Back into the Past

As people continue to recover, they may rejoin their lives, their jobs, their families, and lead a fulfilling life. They may not see the benefit of going back into the past to work through difficult experiences because they start to feel better. Sometimes people in long term recovery can become complacent with what helped them get sober. Maybe they reduce or stop going to 12 Step meetings or mutual aid programs, stop therapy, or reduce their use of coping skills for staying away from substances.

Additionally, people may also experience common life stressors, difficulties, or even experience significant loss or trauma well into sobriety. These experiences have the potential to resurface past traumatic experiences that may not have been dealt with in early recovery. Left undealt with, the past experiences may increase depression, suicidality, and poor occupational functioning, or decrease your ability to handle stressful situations which can lead to relapse.

Potential Risks of unresolved childhood trauma in long term sobriety:

Relapse

New behavioral addictions

Depression

Anxiety

Low self-esteem or self-worth

Persistent negative view of self

Emotional numbness or intense emotional reactions

Avoidance and dissociation

Hypervigilance and difficulty concentrating or sleeping

Difficulties in relationships

Difficulty with daily functioning

Shame or self-blame

Intrusive thoughts

PTSD symptoms including flashbacks, nightmares, and strong emotional responses.

Twelve Step Programs

Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), experienced a childhood marked by the abandonment of his parents and a subsequent period of depression at 17 after the death of his first love. He wrote extensively about his struggles with depression, insomnia, and fatigue in long-term sobriety. He noted that depression specifically required its own unique recovery process.

Long Term Sobriety and Trauma Therapy

Bill began therapy years into his depression in the 1940s (40 years before PTSD was recognized) with a Jungian therapist and shared that therapy helped him work through what he called “psychic damages,” which included inferiority, guilt, shame, and anger. He wrote that doing a “psychic inventory,” like the moral inventory of AA, would help reduce the effects of these “psychic damages.” His therapeutic work later informed his writing in the 1953 book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, which were essays expanding upon the 12 Steps from the 1939 book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

Individuals with long term sobriety and a history of childhood trauma would benefit greatly from engaging in trauma therapy to help maintain both physical and emotional sobriety. For many people in long-term recovery, trauma therapy is a necessary form of relapse prevention.

Benefits of trauma therapy for people with long term sobriety include:

Improved emotional regulation.

Reduced symptoms of PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

Greater sense of hope, meaning, and purpose.

Stronger relationships.

Fostering a sense of empowerment and well-being.

Improve self-esteem and self-worth.

Peace of mind and sense of safety

Gain a greater understanding of themselves and their reactions to trauma.

Relapse prevention.

If you are someone in long-term sobriety who has an interest in working through traumatic experiences, please call the Phoenix Center to schedule an appointment with one of our skilled experiential trauma therapists to help enhance your emotional sobriety and overall well-being.

Meryl Lammers is an Experiential Trauma Therapist and Music Therapist at The Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy. Meryl also provides Trauma Recovery Coaching.

Parental Stress and Trauma

By Meryl Lammers, LSW, MT-BC

In August of 2024, the acting Surgeon General, Vivek H. Murthy, issued an advisory on the health and well-being of parents in the United States. This advisory called attention to the growing rates of stress experienced by parents and the direct impact that stress has on childhood development and well-being. Parental stress, coupled with trauma can be a particularly challenging experience.

Sources of Sessors for parents:

1) Financial Strain, Economic Instability, and Poverty can make it difficult for many families to meet their children’s basic needs, pay for childcare costs, and provide for children’s health and education expenses. Financial worries continue to be a top stressor among parents.

2) Time Demands: The increase in time spent both on work commitments and with family responsibilities can contribute to work-family conflict, burnout, and stress.

3) Children’s Health, including mental health challenges, intellectual and developmental disabilities, and acute or chronic illnesses, can add to parental stress levels.

4) Children’s Safety: Parents report concerns about their child being bullied, abducted, or attacked. Firearm-related injury has become the leading cause of death among U.S. children and adolescents ages 1-19 and parents report that the possibility of a school shooting causes them significant stress.

5) Parental Isolation and Loneliness: Parents struggle with loneliness at higher rates than non-parents, which can exacerbate parental stress.

6) Technology and Social Media: The rapid adoption and evolution of technology and social media have been difficult and stressful for parents to manage, including by posing new risks to children’s health and safety.

7) Cultural Pressures and Children’s Future: Cultural expectations, societal norms, and pressure to meet perceived parenting standards can contribute to parental stress.

Parental Stress and Mental Health

Chronic or excessive stress, coupled with other complex environmental and biological factors, can increase the risk of mental health conditions for individuals. Some of those factors include:

1) Exposure to Alcohol and Drugs

2) Discrimination and Racism

3) Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Abuse, Neglect, Trauma, Death/Loss of Loved Ones

4) Neurochemical Factors influenced by genetics, epigenetics, and hormonal fluctuations associated with pregnancy and the perinatal period

5) Predisposition to mental health conditions

Disproportionate Mental Health Conditions Among Certain Parents and Caregivers

1) Community Violence: Parents who are exposed to violence (e.g., intimate partner violence), are incarcerated.

2) Racism and Discrimination: Parents who are of racial and ethnic minorities, are sexual and gender minorities, are immigrants, are parents and caregivers of undocumented children

3) Poverty: Parents and caregivers who live in low-income households, experience job instability or unemployment, and experience food insecurity.

4) Gender: Women in heterosexual relationships disproportionately carry the physical, emotional, and mental labor of childrearing compared to male counterparts.

5) Other: Parents who are divorced, are in the military or deployed, have disabilities or experience chronic medical problems or trauma.

Parental mental health can influence the emotional climate, responsiveness, and consistency of caregiving at home, all of which are crucial for a child’s emotional and cognitive development.

Impacts to Children

Importantly, how a parent’s or caregiver’s mental health affects their behavior and functioning is a critical factor in determining how it impacts a child.

Children of a primary caregiver who reported poor mental health were four times more likely to have poor general health (5.1% vs 1.3%) and two times more likely to have mental, behavioral, or developmental disorders (41.8% vs 21.0%). Additionally, these children are prone to cognitive, academic, and interpersonal struggles.

The mental health conditions of parents can pose greater risks for children when combined with additional risk factors like poverty, exposure to violence, and marital conflict, but they can be mitigated by protective factors like social support networks and positive parenting behaviors as well.

Government, health and social service systems, employers, community organization, schools, and even friends and families can all play a crucial role in helping support parents, which would require massive policy changes, allocation of federal and state tax dollars, and the overall shift in perception about parenting: It’s time to value and respect time spent parenting on par with time spent working at a paying job, recognizing the critical importance to society of raising children. These changes will take time.

But parents can start to implement change for themselves now:

· Community Care: Parenting is best done with the support of other parents, family members, and friends. Seek out or create relationships with parents of children across age groups. Such community can provide opportunities to share your feelings, concerns, and challenges while also learning from the experiences of other parents. Fostering a supportive environment can help reduce the stresses of parenthood.

· Self-Care: Some activities that can help reduce stress include exercise, sleep, a balanced diet, mindfulness, meditation, and recreational activities that bring joy. Self-compassion is also crucial, as parenting is incredible stressful, and no one is a “perfect” parent.

· Education about appropriate health care from credible sources: FindSupport.gov

· Learn to recognize the signs of how mental health challenges manifest and when it’s time to ask for help: If you feel bad and are not getting better, you need and deserve additional care. Don’t be afraid to ask for support from a peer, family member, mental health provider, or any medical professional.

The stress of parenting

The stress of parenting, including challenges like child behavior, sleep deprivation, and financial strain, can act as a trigger for past traumatic experiences. For parents who have experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), parenting can be a particularly challenging experience. The stress of parenting may lead to a reactivation of PTSD symptoms, including intrusive memories, flashbacks, and heightened anxiety.

Trauma can be passed down through generations, meaning that a parent’s past trauma can impact their parenting style and their child’s well-being.

Parents may experience a variety of symptoms when their trauma is triggered, including increased anxiety, anger, or emotional numbing. When parents’ trauma is triggered, it can affect their parenting style, leading to difficulties in communication, discipline, or emotional regulation. If parents are struggling with trauma and its impact on parenting, it is important to seek support from mental health professionals or support groups.

Remember, caring for yourself is a key part of how you care for your family. If you are finding the stress of parenting is feeling overwhelming, call the Phoenix Center today to find out more about our compassionate trauma therapists and how they can help lighten the emotional load of parenting.

Music Therapy and Trauma Healing

By Meryl Lammers, MT-BC (Music Therapist-Board Certified)

Music Therapy is the clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program.

MUSIC THERAPY AT THE PHOENIX CENTER

Clinical music therapy is the only professional, research-based discipline that actively applies supportive science to the creative, emotional, and energizing experiences of music for health treatment and educational goals.

Music therapists use music to enhance social or interpersonal, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral functioning in individuals who have experienced trauma. Research indicates that music therapy is effective at reducing muscle tension and anxiety, and at promoting relaxation, verbalization, interpersonal relationships, and a sense of connectedness. This can set the stage for open communication and provide a starting place for non-threatening support and processing symptoms associated with or exacerbated by trauma. A qualified music therapist can use music to actively connect a client to their emotional state quickly.

Benefits of integrating Music Therapy into trauma focused therapy:

· Improved mood

· Emotional regulation

· Development of coping skills

· Creative and emotional expression without the need to use words

· Decrease in anxiety and depression

· Increase feelings of safety and connection

You do not need to have musical ability in order to participate in or benefit from music therapy. Music Therapy is effective for people of all ages, is collaborative, and involves both the client and therapist to co-create goals and interventions.

Some interventions that help address symptoms related to trauma include:

· Drumming

· Instrument improvisation

· Song writing

· Progressive muscle relaxation to live or recorded music

· Vocalizations/singing

· Song choice

· Lyric analysis

· Creation of play lists related to specific emotions

· Movement to music

· Legacy projects

· Combining music and art

Various types of Music Therapy

These Music Therapy techniques are also complementary to other trauma related modalities and can be integrated with them, including:

· Expressive arts therapies

· Psychodrama

· IFS

· Somatic work

· EMDR

As an experiential modality, music therapy that has the capacity to create connection and community, which are important aspects of healing from trauma. The Phoenix Center is committed to finding individualized ways to help people recover from trauma and enhance personal growth through the use of different experiential therapies. Contact us today if you’re ready to begin your journey of healing.

Navigating Trauma Recovery During the Holiday Season

by Sarah Jayne Oltz, MS, NCC, CTP

The holiday season is often a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration painted with traditions and connection. However, for those navigating trauma recovery, this time of year can bring unique challenges. The emphasis on family gatherings, memories of past holidays, or societal pressure to feel a certain way can trigger difficult emotions, causing the season to feel overwhelming.

If this resonates with you or someone you care about, know that you are not alone. Here, we’ll explore why the holidays can be particularly challenging for individuals in trauma recovery and share practical strategies to support healing during this time.

Why the Holidays Can Be Difficult for Trauma Survivors

  1. Family Dynamics: For some, family gatherings can bring up unresolved tensions, remind them of past traumas, or create a sense of obligation to be in environments that feel unsafe.
  2. Grief and Loss: The holidays often amplify feelings of grief for those mourning loved ones or the loss of a sense of “normalcy” due to trauma.
  3. Sensory Overwhelm: Crowds, loud noises, bright lights, and bustling schedules can overwhelm the nervous system, especially for those working through trauma-related triggers.
  4. Cultural Expectations: The societal narrative around the “perfect holiday” can create pressure to feel joyous, which may feel impossible or even alienating during the trauma recovery process.

Strategies for Navigating the Season

  1. Set Boundaries with Confidence: Reflect on what feels safe and manageable and identify your limits. For example, decide in advance how much time you want to spend at a family gathering. It’s okay to decline invitations or leave events early if they become overwhelming. Practice saying, “Thank you for understanding, but I need to prioritize my well-being this year.”
  • Create Your Own Traditions: If old traditions feel activating, start new ones that bring comfort and joy. Whether it’s watching a favorite movie, lighting a candle for loved ones, or volunteering, tailor the season to what nurtures you.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Build moments of stillness into your schedule. Practices like deep breathing, journaling, or grounding exercises can help regulate your nervous system during high-stress periods. Ensure you’re meeting basic needs, such as sleep, hydration, and nourishment. Engage in activities and practices that feel restorative to you.
  • Lean on Your Support Systems: Reach out to trusted friends, therapists, or support groups to talk through challenging emotions and engage in safe connections. Prepare coping tools such as grounding objects, soothing playlists, or mindfulness apps to use when you feel triggered.
  • Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t change the past or others’ behaviors, but you can decide how to respond. Choose environments and activities that feel safe and affirming to you.

It’s okay for your holiday season to look however you need it to. Your healing is valid, and your boundaries are necessary. The best gift you can give yourself this season is the grace to prioritize your well-being over external expectations. As you move through the holidays, may you find moments of peace and hope in your recovery journey. Remember, healing takes time, and every step forward is worth celebrating.

If the holiday season feels unbearable or worsens symptoms of anxiety, depression, or PTSD, consider reaching out for help. Trauma recovery is a journey, and professional support can provide invaluable tools for navigating difficult seasons like this one. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us at the Phoenix Center to learn how our team of trauma therapists can help support you through the holidays and beyond.

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In-Person and Virtual Trauma Therapy: Pros and Cons

by Sarah Jayne Oltz, MS, NCC, CTP

Trauma therapy is a deeply personal healing process that requires careful consideration of how therapy is delivered. Today, there are two main formats for therapy: in-person and virtual. Both have distinct advantages and potential drawbacks, particularly for trauma therapy. Below is an exploration of the pros and cons of each option to help you decide which format may work best for you or your clients.

In-Person Trauma Therapy

Pros

  • Deeper Human Connection
    In-person sessions foster a stronger sense of connection and presence. Non-verbal cues like body language, eye contact, and even physical proximity can enhance the therapeutic bond and process, which is essential for healing trauma. The sense of safety and trust can be more immediate and tangible in a physical space with a therapist.
  • Fewer Technological Barriers
    There’s no need to worry about Wi-Fi interruptions, audio lag, or technical difficulties that could disrupt the flow of an important session. This can be crucial when dealing with sensitive or traumatic material, where breaks in connection could impact the therapeutic process.
  • More Grounding and Experiential Support
    Many trauma therapists incorporate grounding techniques and sensory experiences into their practice. In-person sessions allow therapists to use physical objects and other tools that can help clients regulate their emotions and process more effectively.
  • Safe Space
    In-person therapy provides a controlled, safe environment where clients can express and process intense emotions without distractions from the outside world. Being in a designated therapeutic space can also help clients create a mental separation between therapy and their daily life.

Cons

  • Limited Accessibility
    In-person therapy can be less accessible for clients who have physical disabilities, live in remote areas, or have busy schedules.
  • Cost and Travel Time
    In-person therapy often requires additional expenses, such as transportation and time off work, which can add stress to an already emotionally taxing process. Commute times can also make regular attendance challenging.
  • Unfamiliar Space
    For some trauma survivors, being in a new or unfamiliar physical space can trigger anxiety or a sense of overwhelm. Some individuals may feel more safe in their own space, especially in the early stages of therapy when trust is still being built.

  Virtual Trauma Therapy

Pros

  • Convenience and Accessibility
    Virtual therapy can be especially helpful for individuals with physical limitations, those who live in areas with limited mental health resources, or those juggling work and family commitments.
  • Scheduling Flexibility
    Virtual therapy often offers more flexibility in terms of scheduling since the client does not need to account for travel time. This can lead to more consistent attendance, which is crucial for trauma recovery.
  • Comfort in a Familiar Space
    For some clients, particularly trauma survivors, being in a familiar environment can feel safer. Virtual therapy allows clients to engage in therapeutic work while remaining in the comfort of their own space, which may help reduce anxiety and facilitate openness.
  • Sense of Anonymity
    Some clients may feel more comfortable with virtual therapy because it offers a sense of anonymity. They may find it easier to disclose sensitive or painful experiences without the added pressure of being physically present in a therapist’s office.

Cons

  • Technology Issues
    While virtual therapy is convenient, it also relies heavily on technology. Poor internet connections, software glitches, or interruptions can disrupt the flow of a session. This can be particularly problematic in trauma therapy, where the therapeutic alliance and sense of safety are critical.
  • Limited Non-Verbal Communication
    Much of the subtle communication that happens in therapy comes from body language, facial expressions, and other non-verbal cues. Virtual therapy may limit the therapist’s ability to pick up on these cues, which could affect the depth of the therapeutic relationship.
  • Difficulty in Creating a Therapeutic Environment
    Not everyone has a private, quiet space to engage in therapy at home. Distractions like family members, noise, or pets can make it harder to focus, reducing the effectiveness of the session. Some clients may also struggle with boundaries, finding it difficult to fully “enter” therapy mode when they are in a home setting.
  • Licensing Restrictions on Virtual Therapy
    Most state licensing boards only permit therapists to engage in telehealth sessions with a client who is physically located in the state the therapist is licensed in at the time of the session. This can be very limiting for clients who are traveling out of state.
  • Therapists’ Lack of Training Providing Therapy Online
    Most therapists have no training on providing therapy remotely, especially if they completed their schooling or training before the 2020 Covid-19 pandemic.
  • Therapists’ Limited Familiarity with Local Services
    One of the risks of engaging in telehealth is that your therapist may not be familiar with mental health service providers in your area, especially if your therapist’s office is far away from your home. In the case of an emergency or the need for a referral to a more intensive level of care, your therapist may not have direct experience or knowledge of programs in your town.

 

Which is Right for You?

The choice between in-person and virtual trauma therapy ultimately depends on your personal preferences, circumstances, and therapeutic needs. Both formats can be effective, but it’s essential to consider what environment will make you feel most comfortable, supported, and safe.

If you value the immediate connection and presence of face-to-face interactions and have access to a therapist nearby, in-person therapy may be the best fit. On the other hand, if you need more flexibility and comfort or live in an area with limited mental health resources, virtual therapy might provide the support you need with fewer barriers. Sometimes, a hybrid model—where sessions alternate between in-person and virtual—can offer the best of both worlds. Many times, we have found success in starting sessions in-person to build a strong connection between therapist and client, and switching sessions to online after a strong bond has been established.

We often will recommend meeting in-person if there are particular sessions when we plan to engage in trauma processing of core memories (sometimes these are scheduled for longer than an hour). Being in person with your therapist allows your therapist to better assess where you are in the process (especially through non-verbal cues such as complexion changes, voice tone, body language, posture, etc.), which will better allow your therapist to provide safe and effective trauma processing.

Trauma therapy is rooted in safety and autonomy, and the setting that fosters your personal growth and comfort will always be the right choice. Don’t be afraid to experiment with both formats to find what works best for you. Contact the Phoenix Center today to get started with one of our trauma therapists in-person or virtually.

Neurodiversity-Affirming Trauma Therapy

Neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapy recognizes that neurodivergent individuals—those with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, sensory processing disorder, and other neurological differences—process trauma in unique ways. Traditional trauma therapy often assumes a one-size-fits-all approach, which may not work for neurodivergent clients who experience the world differently. Neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapy seeks to accommodate these differences, creating a supportive and inclusive healing environment that respects each client’s specific needs, celebrates differences, and challenges societal norms around mental health.

Neurodiversity-Affirming Trauma Therapy

A key aspect of this approach is flexibility in communication and therapeutic methods. Neurodivergent individuals may express trauma through behavior or physical symptoms rather than words, making experiential therapies, such as expressive arts therapy, somatic experiencing, EMDR, IFS, or psychodrama, effective alternatives. Additionally, a neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapist tailors the pace and structure of sessions to suit the client’s cognitive and sensory processing needs. Neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapists actively reject the notion that neurodivergence needs to be cured or masked in order to align with neurotypical standards.

Most importantly, neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapy is strengths-based and collaborative. Rather than focusing on deficits or pathology, this approach celebrates the individual’s unique ways of thinking, feeling, experiencing the world, and healing. The therapist works with the client to understand their preferred ways of processing information and emotions, adapting techniques to leverage their strengths. By fostering an environment of acceptance and validation, neurodiversity-affirming therapy empowers individuals to heal from trauma in a way that feels authentic and aligned with their identity. This collaborative approach empowers individuals to live fulfilling lives on their own terms rather than conforming to societal expectations.

Principles of Neurodiversity-Affirming Trauma Therapy

  1. Strengths-Based Perspective
    Traditional therapeutic approaches can sometimes emphasize deficits or dysfunction, particularly for those diagnosed with conditions like autism or ADHD. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy flips this narrative, recognizing the strengths that neurodivergent individuals bring to the table. Creativity, hyperfocus, pattern recognition, deep empathy, and unique problem-solving approaches are just some of the assets that neurodivergent people may possess.
  2. Client-Led Goals
    Instead of pushing clients to fit into neurotypical molds, neurodiversity-affirming therapy allows individuals to set their own therapeutic goals. For some, this might mean learning coping strategies for navigating an environment that doesn’t always accommodate their needs. For others, it could involve embracing and deepening their understanding of their neurodivergent identity and sense of self. Therapy is a collaborative process where clients have autonomy and control over their treatment.
  3. Rejecting Harmful Norms and Pathologizing Language
    There is a conscious effort to create a positive and affirming environment. This includes rejecting harmful norms and pathologizing language that frames neurodivergence as a problem. Instead of using terms like ‘deficit,’ ‘disorder,’ or ‘impairment’ that can reinforce negative stereotypes and stigmas, therapists use affirming language that highlights diversity in cognition and behavior. They view neurodivergence as a natural variation of the human brain, rather than an abnormality.
  4. Creating an Accessible Environment
    Neurodivergent individuals often experience sensory sensitivities, communication differences, or executive functioning challenges. Neurodiversity-affirming therapists work to create predictable environments that accommodate these differences. This might include offering multiple ways to communicate (such as through text or art), modifying sensory stimuli (like lighting, seating arrangements, or scents), or providing flexible session structures to meet the client’s needs.
  5. Intersectionality and Identity-Affirmation
    Neurodivergence does not exist in a vacuum. Many neurodivergent individuals belong to multiple marginalized communities, and their experiences are shaped by race, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, and more. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy embraces an intersectional approach, acknowledging the complex identities of clients and how societal oppression may impact their mental health.

Several vital overlaps and core principles are shared between neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed therapy. Both frameworks focus on validating the client’s lived experiences, prioritizing safety, autonomy, and strengths, and understanding how societal systems impact mental health and identity. While each approach addresses specific needs—trauma recovery or neurodivergence—they overlap significantly in their emphasis on respect, individualized care, and fostering a non-pathologizing, inclusive therapeutic space. The intersection of trauma therapy and neurodiversity is a vital area of focus as we work to create more inclusive mental health care systems.

Benefits of Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy

  1. Empowerment and Self-Acceptance
    Neurodivergent individuals often grow up feeling misunderstood or pressured to mask their true selves. Neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapy encourages clients to embrace their authentic selves and recognize the value they bring to the world. This can lead to increased self-esteem, self-acceptance, and empowerment.
  2. Reduction in Stigma and Internalized Ableism
    Traditional therapeutic approaches can sometimes unintentionally reinforce stigma or ableist attitudes. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy actively combats this by creating a safe space where clients are not judged for their differences.
  3. Tailored, Effective Support
    Because neurodiversity-affirming therapy focuses on individualized support, clients receive care that is truly tailored to their needs. Whether it’s learning to navigate executive functioning challenges or finding ways to honor sensory sensitivities, the support is specific to the individual.
  4. Improved Relationships
    By embracing a neurodiverse lens, clients can develop healthier relationships with themselves and others. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy can help individuals communicate their needs more effectively, set boundaries, and foster connections based on mutual understanding and respect.

By shifting away from the traditional pathology-focused model and embracing a strengths-based, affirming perspective, therapists can help clients navigate challenges, celebrate their unique gifts, and thrive in a world that often misunderstands them. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy not only supports neurodivergent individuals in their healing journeys but also fosters a more inclusive and accepting society where all individuals can be accepted for who they are and cared for in the ways they need.

The Phoenix Center is committed to offering a supportive and affirming space that empowers individuals to heal from trauma in ways that respect their unique lived experiences. Our trauma therapists accommodate different communication styles and cognitive processing needs through personalized and experiential approaches. Contact us today to find out more about our neurodiversity-affirming trauma therapists!

by Sarah Jayne Oltz, MS, NCC, CTP

Sarah Jayne Oltz is an Experiential Trauma Therapist at the Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy in Media, PA. Sarah Jayne also provides trauma recovery coaching and offers continuing education.

6 Myths About Trauma-Informed Care

Dr. Scott Giacomucci, DSW, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAAETS, TEP

Trauma-Informed Care has become increasingly recognized as an essential approach in both therapeutic settings and broader organizational contexts. Despite its growing acceptance, several myths persist about what trauma-informed care is and how it should be applied. Let’s debunk some of the most common misconceptions.

Myth 1: Trauma-Informed Care Is Only for People with Trauma

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Is for Everyone

One of the most widespread myths is that trauma-informed care is relevant only for individuals who have experienced trauma. While it is indeed designed to support those affected by trauma, its principles benefit everyone. Trauma-informed care emphasizes safety, trust, and empowerment—universal needs that improve interactions and outcomes in all settings, whether or not trauma is involved. By creating environments where everyone feels respected and valued, trauma-informed care fosters positive outcomes across all interactions.

If you are working with humans, you are working with trauma survivors. Trauma-informed care is useful in any industry, organization, and system.

Myth 2: Trauma-Informed Care Is a Specific Therapy

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Is a Philosophy That Can Be Incorporated into Any Therapy or System

Another misconception is that trauma-informed care is a specific type of therapy or intervention. In reality, it is a broader philosophy or framework that can be integrated into any therapeutic approach or organizational system. It involves shifting the focus from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” This change in perspective can be applied across various settings, from healthcare to education, ensuring that all services are delivered with an understanding of how trauma impacts individuals.

Myth 3: Trauma-Informed Care Is Only for Therapists and Mental Health Providers

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Was Created for Organizations and Systems

While trauma-informed care is vital in therapeutic settings, it was originally designed with an emphasis on organizational culture and structures. The principles of trauma-informed care can and should be integrated into any system, including schools, hospitals, criminal justice systems, and workplaces. By implementing trauma-informed practices at an organizational level, systems can create environments that are sensitive to the needs of all individuals, especially those who have experienced trauma.

Myth 4: There Is No Accountability in Trauma-Informed Care

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Offers Flexibility While Still Holding People Accountable

Some believe that trauma-informed care allows people to avoid responsibility for their actions due to its focus on understanding and empathy. However, trauma-informed care does not eliminate accountability; instead, it balances flexibility with clear expectations. Trauma-informed care values control and choice, allowing individuals to make decisions about their care and actions. At the same time, it includes predictable and thoughtful consequences. By understanding the underlying reasons behind someone’s behavior, trauma-informed care enables providers to address issues in a compassionate yet effective manner.

Myth 5: Trauma-Informed Care Avoids Catharsis

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Values Catharsis but Not as the Primary Source of Change

There is a misconception that trauma-informed care avoids emotional catharsis altogether. In truth, trauma-informed practitioners do value catharsis, but it is not seen as the primary driver of change. Instead, trauma-informed care focuses first on building strengths and ensuring safety. Only when a stable foundation is established does catharsis become a tool for deeper emotional processing, ultimately leading to growth. This careful approach helps prevent retraumatization and ensures that emotional release happens in a controlled, supportive environment and within a trusting relationship.

Myth 6: Trauma-Informed Care Either Avoids Trauma Processing or Requires One to Talk About Trauma

Reality: Trauma-Informed Care Emphasizes Client Choice and Autonomy

A final myth is that trauma-informed care either forces clients to talk about their trauma or avoids it entirely. In reality, trauma-informed care prioritizes the client’s choice and autonomy. It provides structure and support, allowing clients to decide if and when they want to discuss their trauma. Practitioners understand the importance of not reprocessing trauma too quickly and work to create an environment where the client feels safe and in control of their healing journey.

Trauma-informed care is a versatile, compassionate approach that goes beyond specific therapies to influence entire systems. By debunking these myths, we can better understand the true value of trauma-informed care and its potential to transform how we support individuals and communities in healing and growth. Whether you’re a therapist, a teacher, or part of a larger organization, integrating trauma-informed principles can make a meaningful difference in the lives of those you serve.

To learn more about trauma-informed care, consider downloading SAMHSA’s resources, following us on YouTube, or purchasing Dr. Scott Giacomucci’s new book on the topic.

EMDR: Understanding the 8 Phases and 3 Pronged Approach

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful approach primarily used to treat trauma and its associated symptoms. It was developed by Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s and has gained recognition for its effectiveness in helping individuals process and heal from traumatic memories. The structured nature of EMDR therapy is encapsulated in its 8 Phases and 3 Prongs, which together form a comprehensive approach to trauma healing. Understanding these phases and prongs will help you as you begin your EMDR journey!

The 8 Phases of EMDR

  1. History Taking and Treatment Planning: The therapist gathers information about the client’s history and identifies target memories for processing. This phase also includes assessing the client’s readiness for EMDR.
  2. Preparation: The therapist explains the EMDR process, establishes trust, and ensures the client has the necessary coping strategies to manage distress during the therapy. This phase involves EMDR Resourcing and development of a safe place or other coping skills to manage difficult emotions.
  3. Assessment: This phase involves identifying specific aspects of the traumatic memory, including the visual image, negative beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations associated with it.
  4. Desensitization: The core of EMDR, this phase uses bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements) to help the client reprocess the traumatic memory, reducing its emotional charge.
  5. Installation: Positive beliefs are strengthened in this phase, replacing the negative beliefs originally associated with the traumatic memory.
  6. Body Scan: The therapist guides the client to focus on any residual physical tension related to the trauma, helping to release it.
  7. Closure: The therapist ensures that the client leaves the session feeling stable and provides strategies for self-care between sessions.
  8. Reevaluation: In subsequent sessions, the therapist assesses the client’s progress and determines if further processing is needed.

The 3 Pronged Approach of EMDR

The 3 Prongs of EMDR address trauma from all angles, ensuring a holistic healing process:

  1. Past: Focuses on processing past traumatic events that have contributed to current distress.
  2. Present: Addresses current situations that trigger distressing responses linked to past trauma.
  3. Future: Prepares the client to handle future challenges, fostering resilience and adaptive coping mechanisms.

EMDR’s structured approach, through its 8 Phases and 3 Prongs, offers a comprehensive path to healing for trauma survivors. By addressing the past, present, and future, EMDR not only helps in desensitizing traumatic memories but also empowers individuals to live more adaptive and fulfilling lives.

8 Types of Grief: Healing from Loss

Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests in various ways, influenced by individual circumstances and the nature of the loss. At the Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy, we recognize that understanding the different types of grief can aid in the healing process. This article explores 8 types of grief:

  1. Complicated/Traumatic Grief: This type of grief is intense and prolonged, often triggered by sudden or traumatic loss. It can disrupt daily functioning and may require professional support to navigate the overwhelming emotions and thoughts that accompany such a profound loss. EMDR is a type of therapy that is quite effective for traumatic loss, especially when the loss is accompanied by disturbing images.
  2. Anticipatory Grief: This occurs when loss is expected, such as in the case of terminal illness. Anticipatory grief allows individuals to begin the grieving process before the actual loss, providing a complex blend of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, and relief.
  3. Delayed Grief: Sometimes, individuals suppress their grief, either consciously or unconsciously, only to experience it intensely at a later time. This delayed reaction can be triggered by a subsequent loss or significant event that brings the initial grief to the surface.
  4. Inhibited Grief: Inhibited grief involves the suppression of grief reactions, often due to societal or cultural expectations. Individuals may not express their grief openly, leading to unresolved feelings that can manifest physically or emotionally over time.
  5. Abbreviated Grief: This type of grief is short-lived, often because the individual had already begun to process the loss in advance or because the lost relationship was less significant. Abbreviated grief does not imply a lack of emotional depth but reflects the varied ways in which people experience and process loss.
  6. Disenfranchised Grief: This occurs when a loss is not socially recognized or validated, such as the death of an ex-partner, a pet, or a miscarriage. Disenfranchised grief can be particularly challenging as it may not receive the support and acknowledgment typically afforded to more socially accepted forms of grief.
  7. Collective Grief: When a community or society experiences a significant loss, such as a natural disaster, terrorist attack, or pandemic, collective grief emerges. This type of grief is shared among many and can foster a sense of solidarity and communal healing.
  8. Cumulative Grief: Also known as “grief overload,” cumulative grief occurs when multiple losses happen in a short period, overwhelming the individual’s capacity to cope. Cumulative grief is also experienced when one inhibits or delays their grief, such as someone who uses substances or alcohol to numb their grief over many years. Each successive loss can compound the grieving process, making it harder to find resolution and peace.

The Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy

At the Phoenix Center for Experiential Trauma Therapy, we are dedicated to supporting individuals through their unique grieving journeys. Recognizing the type of grief you are experiencing is a crucial step in finding the appropriate support and healing. The 8 types of grief outlined above are far more common than you’d think. If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, our team is here to help guide you through this challenging time.

Learn more about our therapists experienced in helping people through grief and loss or our grief and loss therapy group offered at the Phoenix Center.

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